This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
