my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
