No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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