My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
