we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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