I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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