I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
