um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
