so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need a beard to bite.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize