Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
