Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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