i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
