I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
