gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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