You're completely useless in the revolution.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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