The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
