My nipple is on Facebook.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
