MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize