i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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