His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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