YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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