i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
