Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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