We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
