dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
