There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
