so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
