she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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