Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
