about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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