who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
