I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
