he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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