ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize