I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
