Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize