Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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