have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
