Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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