I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
