Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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