so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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