my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
