Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
