There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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