I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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