also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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