i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
