ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
