I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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