I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
