I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
