Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
