You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
