i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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