During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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