I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
