I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
