Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
