Welp...herpes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
