he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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