and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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