Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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