A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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