My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
