fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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