you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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