shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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