My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
